Old.

Most of the time I joke about my age...especially since I am usually with middle and high school students. I am always the old lady of the group at a whopping 28 years old by at least ten years. In all actuality, I am not old. It has only been six years since I have graduated from college, but it seems like an eternity.

Meeting with former mentors/friends I still look up to and admire showed me something that I wish I would have known in college. I am not perfect: I don't always like the way I look, I am not confident in speech always, my opinions and feelings change constantly, I usually feel awkward, I cringe at pictures of myself...and despite all of that, I am incredibly loved, wanted, and have an amazing community of people who love and support me all over the world.

Getting breakfast, my friend and I spoke about all of these insecurities I had (*sometimes still have*) but how drastically different they feel now. She mentioned how she will "meet with these girls and they will say, 'I don't have friends. No one wants to be around me...' and I will think, 'what the heck do you think I'm doing here?!'" With a very loud laugh followed by my face turning beat red, I knew I was that girl.

This realization was monumental in my current healing process after leaving my previous position. The fact of the matter is that not everyone is going to like me, but that doesn't mean who I am at my core is wrong; if that were true, I wouldn't have anyone.

Thinking back to when I was regularly meeting with my mentor, I can't imagine the hurt I must have caused her exclaiming to her face that her love and care for me didn't count. In reality, I assumed she was just putting up with me. It's funny how a small change in perspective can drastically alter your life. So, for all of us who cringe when we remember the horribly awkward moments, I want to share this:

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

--Isaiah 43:18-19

This verse was one that was spoken over me earlier this year and has become my verse in this season of life. Over the next few weeks, we will come back to this verse again and again and again as I continue to move, grow, and learn. I ask that you come with me and share in your own growth with the Lord. For the death we have lived in...the awkwardness...the assumption that we are completely alone...the deep pits of darkness we sit in are in the past; the Lord is doing amazing new things in helping us recognize life and love.

Until Monday,

Cheers!

Sam Jo.