Mary or Martha?

The stereotypical question all women in the church are asked, “Are you more of a Mary or a Martha?” I have always hated this question. First because I don’t think I have ever heard someone ask a man that, second because there are a lot more characters in Scripture that have relateable attributes and third because I have never really been able to answer that question without disagreeing with my own answer. Am I a Mary or a Martha?

Well, if I say I am a Martha, that means I take on the role of an aspiring “Proverbs 31” woman, does it not? One who works tirelessly for those around her, accomplishing a great deal and being beloved for all of the care she gives. Shouldn’t all women aspire to be associated with her?

Then there is Mary. Dear Mary, who sits at the feet of Christ, completely neglecting her sister and work that needs to be done around the house. The one who has fallen into complete oblivion of her womanly duties to take care of the guests and yet she is the one lifted up by Christ for doing the correct thing (even though I think we can all agree there are pro’s and con’s to both).

Allie, from the moment I met her, gave full attention to me and what I needed. I can’t say I have met many people like that in my life. I still clearly remember her running out of this apartment to meet me with my car full of boxes and begin working to help me with my load. After a few nights of slowly transferring all I owned into this temporary place, we bonded over our study of the enneagram. From then on the question that would most come from Allie is, “no, but what do you really want.”

You see, I have mentioned treats before. Allie taught me that if we are going to go out of our way to go out, it is going to be something we both want to enjoy and spend our money on. You would think that this would be a concept I and most people would think of, but usually I go along with the crowd to please them. In reality, I would enjoy most places and find something I like there. For the first time, though, she made me think about what I wanted.

Quickly our outings became ordering food and picking it up to eat and one of our apartments or grocery shopping to create something together-something we both really wanted.

I mentioned Allie’s love for hosting, but I don’t think I fully scratched the surface. When Allie hosts a gathering, it isn’t just about her apartment (though, my ideal party setting would be any place that Allie sets up). Allie carefully and artistically crafts groups of people who she knows will connect. In that place she is able hone the group in together, as one, to converse, laugh, discuss and love one another well. There are zero expectations other than being fully ourselves and being honored in that.

So, if I am faced with the question, “are you a Mary or are you a Martha” I don’t want to say either. I would rather say, “I’m an Allie,” because I think she gets what I and so many lack: an understanding that being hospitable to another is not just ambiance and preparing, but meeting them where they are when their arms are full of boxes or being fully attentive to what they want to eat and not allowing them settle for less. To be fully present with those around us.

This week, friends, I have two challenges for you. The first being to allow yourself to be fully present with those around you and listen and find out who they really are, not who they have been willed to be. Second, figure out yourself, figure out what you really want and be vulnerable with that.

Until Monday,

Cheers!

Sam Jo.