Why Do I Care?

“Sam, you are always hurt. Like always. It’s like you are a magnet…I don’t mean that you do anything wrong, I just feel bad that you are always injured. You know that we all know that you don’t think you are doing this on purpose, right?” 

A small conversation that started the small transformation of my mind. My friends, Lisa, Carlos, and I were sitting outside of a room we had just cleaned on a Saturday after all of our campers of the previous week left. To be honest, I don’t remember which injury count I was at this point, but it was easily something that struck a nerve. Lisa’s comment didn’t just call out a fear or insecurity, but brought this bit of relief I was anxious to hear.

As I told you on Monday, I prodded those around me “subtly” to get this affirmation that I wasn’t doing this for attention and my pain was legitimate. I didn’t want pity, but I wanted others tell me I wasn’t frustrating, that I was still wanted...

Typing all of this out sounds silly and that is what I have realized over the years. I cringe thinking of all of the times I pushed so hard to make sure people knew “I was okay” that “they could count on me” that “I am here and ready to work, please see me.” What I forgot to acknowledge was that I was hurt, I was limited, and calling attention to it over and over again was doing the opposite of what I wanted. My desperation to be seen as perfect and all together so that I would be wanted, loved, and needed by my co-workers, supervisors, and campers dug me into a deep hole that by frantically trying to get out of, just pushed me further down.

This anxiety driven reaction is something I quickly recognize in the students I work with in pretty much any context and have learned to take a step back. For me it was the already rooted anxiousness and fear that I wasn’t enough and the further hinderance of an ant bite gone extreme or a broken nose that made it worse. I struggle living in this truth of God that I am enough, I am loved, I am wanted, I am needed, and I don’t need to do anything to prove that to others.

It is so easy to focus on those around us and winning their approval that we forget the One who gives us ultimate worth. We don’t need to do anything the win the affections of God which is a concept I have grappled with forever and probably will always have trouble grasping.

My encouragement to you today is to recognize the fear and anxiety in your life. Take it in, acknowledge it, breathe, and let it go. Let it allow to shape you but don’t let it be the driving force or definer in your life. Lisa and Carlos gave me that small breath of relief that they didn’t think I was as crazy as I was showing myself to be. They gave me the chance to start giving over desperate actions to God. 

(Photo Cred: Bible Topics Online)

Now a days, I do not get as injured as I did back at that camp, but the lesson is still with me and growing me daily. Am I perfect at this practice? By no means, but I am aware of it and learning continuously. 

Now I ask you, how will you respond to the fear and anxiety in your life?

Leave your responses, comments, questions, share, and follow. Until Monday, Cheers! Sam Jo.