Stubborn Grace

Have you even been so passionate about something that you couldn’t let it go to chance? Have you ever invested so much of your life into someone(s) or something(s) that you didn’t feel like you could trust others with them or it? Maybe you are a parent letting their child leave for school for the first time, or first time hiring a babysitter. Maybe you are working in a group project that is worth your entire grade. What is making you feel that way? Why are you so scared of letting go of whatever it is?

For me, it wasn’t this need of control, but it was a need of being needed. Somewhere in my life I picked up this notion that I was not enough, not wanted, and not loved. This seemingly irrational fear (when I really sit and think logically) has drawn me to places where I am a mentor figure, a leader, where I know others will thrive because of “my guidance.” For a long time I saw this as passion, a passion for others to guide them in the way I was mentored when I was younger. However, the more I was put in this position, the more I clung to it, finding my worth in these relationships.

Until that night at the bonfire, when I sat watching Hannah, Dilan, Josh, and Trevor love our students and love them so well that I felt this ability to truly let them go. I trusted the relationships they would form with these leaders would thrive and grow for the betterment of the Kingdom of God. So much unneeded pressure lifted off my shoulders that I put on myself—gone. The recognition that I am needed, wanted, and love, but not the only one who can carry out this love and guidance for these students. I am not the superhero. I am not the center of God’s plan...

The beauty of God’s grace is that God gently placed this in my path to recognize and for that I am grateful. God knows us so intimately that God is aware of how we need to learn and reaches us in that unique way. I needed to learn this through the peeling back of layers of my protection I had built up around my heart and the students for the span of months. At the epiphany of this ultimate trust of my co-leaders, I did not feel defeated, but I felt overwhelming love and thankfulness that I got to be a part of this team.

My challenge for you is to not only work to identify this self-reflection, but work toward identifying these things in those around you. I truly believe that we are the hands and feet of God, meaning that we represent Christ (and thank the Lord we have the Holy Spirit to guide us to do so). Without the patience and grace given to me by Hannah, Dilan, Josh and Trevor to ease me into this time of formation, it could have been a seriously different outcome. I will forever be thankful to God for placing me in such a setting to be loved and molded so significantly.

Take time to build relationships with those around you, tune into where they are and what they need. At the same time, start recognizing those things in yourself so that you can voice that to your community. God meets us in our brokenness and places people in our lives to do the same. Sometimes we just need to take some extra effort to recognize it.

Posts in the future will focus on this study of intra and inter personal relationships-but in the meantime, I encourage you to start looking into it for yourself. Check out my friend David’s blog to give you a chance to look into this spiritual practice.

Now, my dear friends, breathe in the relief that God does not create us to be perfect on our own, but creates us for relationship with the God who is perfect.

Until next Monday,

Cheers!

-Sam Jo.

Photo Credit to Tony Agnesi